We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
