All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
