Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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