Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
