Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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