Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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