I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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