whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
