Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
