He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
