I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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