Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
