Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
