Walk of Shame. In a state park.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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