I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
