Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
