Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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