Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
