My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
