Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize