So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize