I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
