then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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