there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
