ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
