I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
