She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize