K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
