Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
