I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
