God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
