There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
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