Dual....:-)
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
