when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
