have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
