it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Dear god my vagina.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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