brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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