its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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