Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
