i think my tv is drunk
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
