I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
