We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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