I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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