White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
