I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
