that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
