hell yes lets make some ravioli
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
