So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
