If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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