i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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