Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The best revenge is premature balding
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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