So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
