Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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