he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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