life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
