what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she told me i tasted like america
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize