His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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