im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
