New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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