There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
