I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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