I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Im part way to drunk.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
