it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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