Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
