first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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