i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
