you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize