the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
