Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
