Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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