Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
