just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
