the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
