you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
