Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
