Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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