My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
