No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i out mim tonsoeep
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