It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
