You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
ok first of all what the fuck
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize