In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
