I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
