I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
