you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
