after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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