its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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