stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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