Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize